John, G., from Indiana asks, “Why do pick up artists (PUAs) tell guys the way to attract women is to act indifferent? They say being too romantic or interested is “needy” and signals weakness and that women want a challenge — especially attractive women. What happened to romance?”
Why the advice to be aloof and indifferent? PUAs are, of course, selling a service: the “self improvement” genre. Really, at the very basic level, though, they are selling a product: you, as a dating person.
This is Business 101; keep the customer coming back. Let me be clear — there is nothing to fault in PUA business model. They’re using a tried & true method: for the “service”: they’re trying to create the “hook” (the need for the paying client to return and use this service again) and for the “product” — built in obsolescence —the intentional short shelf life of a product (how often do you need to re-purchase and return to that company). For example, happily married men don’t often need dating advice. Marriage advice, sure, but that’s not really the PUA niche.
Since many successful dates will eventually go on to some sort of relationship, either short term or long term the PUA doesn’t want his clients to leave because they no longer need a dating plan. They’d be out of business pretty quickly. So, the advice to act aloof and even advice to “neg” is about manipulating potential partners and putting a cap on that relationship. It’s not intended to be the starting point for a relationship of any length; say, a week or a lifetime. It’s intended to hook someone, usually an attractive cisgender (biological female) woman, for a few hours. It’s about numbers, not connection.
Yea, yea, that’s all good, Sarah, but are straight women…